How to Manage Work Time When You Have a Family

Let’s go on a trip. A trip to a magical, endlessly-fulfilling place we’ll call “Balance-land.”

In Balance-land, nobody ever works too much. Nobody spends too little (or too much) time with their kids. Nobody feels pressure to work more, to work less, to cook more meals, to get more sleep, to exercise more, to have an immaculate house, to help their kids with homework (or to not help — which is it now?), or to be more inspired by their job.

Best of all, nobody ever feels guilty about anything. Everybody is 100% fulfilled by their job, 100% fulfilled by family life, and can easily navigate the two.

Fun thought, right? Except: Balance-land doesn’t exist. And none of us will ever live there.

So if you’re trying to manage work time and family at the same time, it’s worth rethinking what “balance” means. While there are habits that can help you manage work and family, there’s no such thing as a perfect medium.

Here are a few things to remember.

1. Remember that “Balance” really means constant adjustment.

Ever stood on one leg for a while? Here’s what it’s like: you’re constantly making little adjustments, and you’re shifting all the time. Sometimes you fall down! Whatever happens, things change every second, and balancing requires constant vigilance to maintain.

This is what “balance” really is (despite the thousands of articles that might tell you otherwise): not a permanent state, but non-stop adjustment. Real balance means little decisions that add up to something that feels ok to you.

So what does this mean when you’ve got a decision in front of you? It means that over time, you want to do enough to be satisfied with your choices. Maybe you can’t work late and go to your kid’s soccer game. But over time you can do enough of each.

2. Know that family and work will change.

If anything’s a constant, it’s that things will change. Kids go through different periods where they’ll need different kinds (and amounts) of attention from you. Similarly, work isn’t always constant — there are ebbs and flows there, too.

Use this to your advantage. If things are slow at work, make time for your family. If your kids are busy, get work done. The trick is to make things work over time, not to make it all work at once.

3. Organization helps.

There’s no doubt that managing things becomes much easier when you stay on top them. Keep a large calendar (or an online calendar) and put everything on it: menus, events, schedules, school vacations, and anything else. Keep an ongoing grocery list. The less you have to keep in your head, the better.

Make this a habit. Your sanity will thank you.

Another useful tactic is recording how much time certain activities take you, so you can avoid over-scheduling and pushing things off over and over again. Fill out or print a handy timesheet template to get things started, and find out what your days truly consist of.

4. Limit email to manage work time.

This one’s becoming so standard, it’s almost not worth recounting. Note: I said “almost.”

It’s easy to imagine that the world will fall apart if you don’t respond to emails immediately. It won’t. (I promise.) So feel free to set hours where you don’t check email. You’ll work better and improve family time. The world will still be there afterwards.

5. Do small things, or do big things in small pieces.

If you have a family, you probably don’t have huge chunks of time. So get used to doing things in bits and pieces.

How about saving busywork for times when you’ll only have 15 minutes or so? Wait until the kids are doing homework to catch up on e-mails. In a doctor’s waiting room? Don’t check Facebook; pay a bill or two.

Similarly, get used to doing things in little spurts. Got 30 minutes? Do something that moves a big project forward.

6. Let yourself not do things.

Here’s a big one: give yourself permission to not do things. Don’t have time to make cupcakes for a classroom party? Don’t. Garage a little cluttered? It’s ok; you can clean it up later. Manage work time with the same prioritizing mindset — most important and urgent things first, the rest later.

Not doing these things doesn’t make you a delinquent. It makes you someone who values their time, and wants to spend it on things that matter.

7. Eat and sleep right. And for god’s sake, exercise.

The evidence is overpowering: sleep, diet, and exercise are everything. They improve your mood, give you more energy, keep you looking better, and make you happier.

Does it always feel like there’s not enough time in the day to do these things? How about this: try doing them, and see if they don’t give you more time, and you end up getting more done in the rest of the day.

The point of all of these tips is to give yourself responsibility for the things you should be responsible for (effort, organization, limitations), and to give yourself a break from the things you shouldn’t be responsible for (the need to do everything, and to do it all perfectly).

Because in the end, “balance” just means living a life you’re ok with.